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User talk:Lofasisko
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Shell Shock page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Violation of these rules will result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out the Article Listing or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. Do not forget to add any story you create/upload to the Article Listing. If, after 30 minutes from adding a page, you neglect to put that page on the Article Listing, you will receive a 1 day block as stated in the rules. This is not the same as adding it to the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content; something that you wrote instead of found on the internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page as per the rules. If you mark a page as OC and do not add it to the User Submissions page, you will be warned first then blocked from editing for a day the next time it happens. The OC tag will also be removed. The same thing goes for putting a page on the Submissions and not tagging it as OC. This does not count as adding it to the Article Listing, though. This is an extra step for OC. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! -- Cheese Lord (Talk) 17:24, September 9, 2012 -- [[User:Sloshedtrain|'Sloshedtrain']] 21:31, January 20, 2013 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:23, October 6, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Starting with the basics that really didn't factor in to the deletion, but are still important to know. There were coding errors that made the story look like this: I just love animals. I’ve loved them since I was a little child. Dogs, cats, turtles, all kinds of pets, even animals most people are squeamish about – laboratory rats, snakes, spiders. I remember spending hours and hours sitting in front of a TV screen watching documentaries. I also had a huge collection of cards with wild animals. Naturally, I soon wanted to own and breed my own pets.. Capitalization issues: dog breeds are capitalized. "The dog was a golden retriever (Golden Retriever)" Story issues: this was the area that had the most issues: "I smashed his face against the paving, broke every bone in his body and ripped off parts of his skin." While the audience doesn't know the exact age of the protagonist (last known age being six "When I was like five or six years old..."), it still seems unlikely that the protagonist has the strength to do such a thing. Additionally they're mauling a child out in a public place, how come no one is coming to his aid? His friends ran, but it seems odd they wouldn't get help of some sort (especially living in a neighborhood. Story issues continued: The ending also needs some work: "...rumours about children being killed by a creature living in the dirty part of the city, resembling a man with two faces, each with two pairs of eyes." How did these rumors start? You really mention no deformities in the protagonist and there really is no explanation given as to why the other children would see this. You only allude to it once here: "That is when my love for animals showed its other face.", but that doesn't mean physically. It feels like you forgot to include that section or explanation. The story also felt rushed and the lack of any real character development or description made the plot very un-involving. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:00, October 7, 2015 (UTC) :Thanks for your comment. I'll try to edit the story and post a better version. Just to make some things clear, there is no mention of the protagonist's deformities because I wanted this to reveal them in the point (they were the reasons why he wasn't allowed to go out and kept inside for his own safety). The title is also meant to be ambiguous, its literal meaning was kept hidden up to the final revelation. Lofasisko (talk) 12:21, October 7, 2015 (UTC)